30 Years Later, The End Of An Iconic Horror Anthology Remains Bizarrely Experimental

Any young “boils and ghouls” tuning into Tales From The Crypt knew what to expect from the horror anthology series by the end of its seven-year run: first, an opening tracking shot that made its way towards a rundown mansion on a stormy night before snaking inside and descending into its basement, then the decaying puppet host, The Cryptkeeper, delivering a macabre, pun-laden introductory speech, and finally, an episode in which characters plotting to swindle, exploit or murder others met gratifyingly tragic or violent ends themselves. In season 4, a conman (Joe Pesci) attempting to trick a pair of wealthy twins into marriage so he could secure both their fortunes was ironically sawed in half once his ruse was discovered. In season 3, an artist (Tim Roth) whose morbid paintings were inspired by the murders he committed eventually discovered that his latest victim was the only surgeon who could’ve saved his moribund girlfriend’s life.

Over its 93 episodes, Tales from the Crypt put gruesome spins on classic Christmas stories, noir conventions, and even Shakespearean tragedy, drawing on big-name directors such as Robert Zemeckis, William Friedkin, and Tobe Hooper to helm episodes. Actors Tom Hanks and Arnold Schwarzenegger each shot one too. Its grand finale, inspired by the classic Three Little Pigs fairytale, was rife with blood, guts and vengeance in true Tales From The Crypt style — a “twisted bit of gory-telling,” as The Cryptkeeper put it. But in a departure from convention, the series’ last-ever episode became its first animated one.

“The Third Pig,” written and co-directed by Bill Kopp, was also the only episode out of 93 to not be based on an EC Comics story. Kopp derived his title “The Third Pig” from the Orson Welles noir The Third Man as he wanted the episode to sound “cinematic”. In actuality, there’s little else that connects the two, with a more obvious reference point being the animation style of the TV show The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends, as Kopp himself would acknowledge.

Retaining the framework of the Three Little Pigs fable — in which two pigs have their flimsy dwellings destroyed by a hungry wolf and only evade being eaten by seeking shelter at the sturdy brick house of the third — Kopp re-envisioned the pigs as brothers. The dimwitted Drinky (Brad Garrett) and Smokey (Charlie Adler) are prone to substance abuse, as their names suggest; their homes are made from an old whiskey keg, cigarettes and old matchsticks, rather than the traditional straw and sticks of the fable. When these houses are predictably and easily demolished, the pigs soon escape to their brother Dudley’s (Cam Clarke) more durable residence, repaying his kindness with terrible guest etiquette and sheer entitlement.

Almost every dialogue in the episode is rhymed, which allows for the fun juxtaposition of R-rated topics couched in the cadence of a nursery rhyme. When Dudley goes on a shopping run, the wolf (Bobcat Goldthwait) entices the pigs who’ve stayed behind to let him in by disguising himself as a damsel “in distress…a poor swimsuit model who just lost her dress.” The animals’ ensuing slaughter is graphic, both in terms of visual depiction and verbal description. Entrails are strewn around the house, limbs litter the floor, and a severed head rests atop the TV.

As juvenile as some of its jokes might be, however, the 25-minute-long episode sneaks in a sharp critique of the justice system. When Dudley returns home and calls the police in shock, they arrive leisurely (after six hours!), then arrest him immediately, assigning him a false motive for the murders and refusing to even consider the wolf as a suspect. The judge’s impatience to get to his golf game and the jury’s shallow, split-second deliberation result in him being found guilty. He’s to be given the death penalty. By depicting not only the cops but also the judge and every jury member as wolves too, the episode deploys a visual that unquestionably links them to the villain.

Dudley is soon broken out of prison, however, by the ghostly apparitions of his dead brothers who make him promise to exact revenge against the wolf. In a Frankenstein-style montage — culminating in the euphoric “It’s alive!” line — he stitches together pig corpses from the nearby cemetery, animates his creation with electricity and sends it off on the revenge mission.

Since the Frankenpig swallows the wolf whole, he’s able to burst out of the creature’s stomach once it returns. He then devours Dudley. It’s an abrupt, shockingly downbeat ending for the seven-season show, one that feels unfair in its decision to let the bad guy — explicitly described as a sex offender — win and carry out the rest of his life unscathed and unpunished. For all its fairytale trappings, “The Third Pig” ensued that Tales From The Crypt ended with a dose of bitter reality.

Tales From The Crypt is streaming on Shudder.